First of all – this is NOT spam, friends! It’s Us – THE WHEELERS! Forgive the sudden blog title change. But here’s what’s going on:
Piercing the Veil…
Where Veil is defined as:
Noun. A piece of cloth that a woman wears over her face to protect or conceal.
I heard this phrase the other morning in a podcast I listen to daily and it resonated with me. Well, I haven’t been here in a while (other than last night’s post on our first beach experience). I haven’t posted as frequently as I used to. I’ve been back and forth with completely ditching this blog vs. keeping it going. As some of you know, I tried to make it private a few months ago. And that was unsuccessful. Many of you couldn’t even log in to see our posts at all. So, I made it public again. But, I’ve still been back and forth with how much to post on here. And how much to say. There’s a piece of me that fears being honest and open. First of all, for the sake of my children. But also, I haven’t quite figured out how to wear my many hats gracefully (professional career person. mother. daughter. wife. volunteer. au pair host mom.). And unfortunately there are times when I feel that being successful with each ‘hat’ — well, the hats compete with one another. How can I gracefully be all of these things? And with integrity and honesty?
Piercing the Veil resonated with me the other morning because I feel like that’s what I’m dealing with on a daily basis in this thing we call Motherhood. And it’s about time I decide if I should pierce this veil that’s used to hide all of my emotions. It’s about time I decide if I’m going to talk about it openly as best I can. OR – stop and just read other people’s blogs. There are so many women/mother bloggers out there that I admire. They write openly and honestly and somehow they can talk about their frustrations. And somehow they do this without sounding like bad mothers! And I admire that. They put it out there. And I’m sure many people judge them. But they do it anyway!
So, here I am… telling you that we are about to embark on this journey together. To go deeper. To be more honest. To “Pierce the Veil”, so to speak, that I use to cover up all my real motherhood emotions. Such as frustration. And Tiredness (this is an emotion, right?). And “I just wanna give up today-ness”. And don’t we all have these feelings? From time to time? That natural feeling of frustration. Or confusion. Or those moments when you think: “when am I ever gonna have time to myself again? or time with my husband? and… can we actually DO this parenthood thing? Are we any good?” (and these thoughts are normally followed by extreme guilt for actually having those thoughts at all!). And really – it doesn’t matter how wonderful your husband is. Or how beautiful your children are. Or how lucky you feel (trust me – I am reminded every single day just how very lucky we are). Frustration happens. And life gets hard. And these emotions are real. We are humans, afterall. Very complex. Caring. Loving. Guilt-ridden. Tired. Loving. Humans.
I’ll never forget a piece of advice given to me by a fellow mom… and I’ve written about this before (Sarah! If you are reading – thank you!)… She told me how frustrating it was at the very beginning because the advice she had received was: “Enjoy every moment. It goes so fast.” She told me to disregard that advice because it just leads to the guilt. Guilt of not enjoying every single second. Because seriously, let me give you a scenario: it’s not all that enjoyable when you haven’t found time to eat all day. And your toddler twins are screaming so loud that you and your husband literally cannot hear each other (even when screaming at the top of our lungs to communicate with one another). And you feel like you’re gonna faint from lack of food. And you need to clean the house because company is coming over tomorrow. And the dog is howling at the back door like a wolf. And for goodness sakes, the darn mango mush from breakfast has stubbornly solidified itself on the freakin’ kitchen floor and refuses to come off! And I’mFreakinHUNGRY. And When Can This Mama Just EAT Something? PLEASE?! And darnit, I stepped on another Cheerio! And why in the world are they screaming like this? I can’t hear myself think! (insert serious guilt for not having more patience during this very, in hind-sight anyway, funny parenthood moment).
Now – I obviously have not found a cure for this motherhood guilt I’m speaking about. But, I know I’m not alone. And I know it’s real. And I know that not everyone’s life (including mine!) looks like a Pinterest board. Let’s get real, people. Only certain corners of my house resemble anything close to the cool things I’ve collected on Pinterest. And I LOVE those corners. I want more of them. But, life just isn’t perfect. and pretty. and organized. all the time. It’s just not. (But I might try very hard to prove this fact wrong! In fact, I’m sure I’ll post some of those ideas right here on this very blog. Just don’t be fooled, ok? My life is not a Pinterst board.)
So, back to my point: I’m going to do my best on this blog to be the ‘real deal’. To be open and honest. And to share with you when I have the time and the energy to write it all down. This is also going to be my ‘guilt-free’ space, so if you don’t hear from me because life is busy or I have a million work project or work trips… well, that’s just what it is. I’ll be back when I have the time. And, finally – you will see a few changes on this blog over the next few weeks or months. I’m working on a little facelift with my friend over at Eastmoor Digital. And we’ll also be changing the official title to “Me + Him + Dog + Twins”, so that our last name isn’t quite so obvious. 🙂 But don’t worry – we’re still The Wheelers… just not in the title of this blog. So, I hope you’ll join me in communicating here and keep reading along with the Wheelers. AKA, me, him, dog, twins.
PS: If you wanna read another blog by an open, honest, and funny mama – check this one out: Momastery.
PPS: If you are reading along and like this post, can you do me a favor? Can you comment down below or just hit the “like” button? This open and honest thing is hard for me, so if you appreciate it and like it, can you let me know, so I can stay motivated to keep it up? Thank you!